Hi, I'm on my 9th month at work and if you ask me how I'm doing, I'd say I'm probably doing fine. Just fine. Not exemplary, not that bad. I haven't reached my goal yet, and a few colleagues tell me it's normal for someone not to reach what I want to reach in the span of 9 months. But then again, I can't NOT compare myself to my mother who got promoted after 7 months. Understanding the scenario, I'm not as good as my mom, and I accept that. I'm squeezing my head out on days where I have nothing to do at work Why? Simply because I know that if I'm really "working hard", then I shouldn't have days where I have nothing to do. That makes sense, right?
I'm on the verge of breaking down right now cause I'm facing a huge problem. I don't know the consequences yet, but I'm already freaking out. I am dying to close deals, I am dying to reach my quota, and I am dying to excel. If I grade myself, I'd most likely give myself 70%. I know it's not as easy as I thought it was. I know my clients aren't as big as others; and I know that I don't have a lot of accounts yet. I have about 10, but I cannot force myself to visit them when they're not available or I have just visited them. I want to look for more accounts, but when I do, clients don't usually respond immediately. I don't know if I'm fit for the job or not even though I have been told that it fits me well.
I'm blogging about this, no matter how embarrassing it is because I don't know how else to let all my emotions out. During the times I have nothing to do but stare at my emails, I always imagine how different my life would be now if I had just pursued starting a business and then I realized that...
...if I'm having so much trouble saving money, dealing with clients as such, being responsible with time, then I would most likely flush my business down again. I don't want that to happen. As long as I have not learned how hard it really is in the real life, I will not take the risk of starting another business. Some people don't really understand how it is to work. I'm very close to understanding it now, seriously. I have just started not receiving allowance from my mom this month, and I'm glad I won't be in the next months. I need to work with the money I get from work for me to appreciate this challenge.
My Dearest Lord,
Please guide me along the way.
Please do not leave me all alone.
I understand that this is just a phase, but I am humbly asking for strength and grace.
Thank you for not forgetting I need You by my side.
Thank You.
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