Dealing with the Real Life

Hi, I'm on my 9th month at work and if you ask me how I'm doing, I'd say I'm probably doing fine. Just fine. Not exemplary, not that bad. I haven't reached my goal yet, and a few colleagues tell me it's normal for someone not to reach what I want to reach in the span of 9 months. But then again, I can't NOT compare myself to my mother who got promoted after 7 months. Understanding the scenario, I'm not as good as my mom, and I accept that. I'm squeezing my head out on days where I have nothing to do at work Why? Simply because I know that if I'm really "working hard", then I shouldn't have days where I have nothing to do. That makes sense, right?

I'm on the verge of breaking down right now cause I'm facing a huge problem. I don't know the consequences yet, but I'm already freaking out. I am dying to close deals, I am dying to reach my quota, and I am dying to excel. If I grade myself, I'd most likely give myself 70%. I know it's not as easy as I thought it was. I know my clients aren't as big as others; and I know that I don't have a lot of accounts yet. I have about 10, but I cannot force myself to visit them when they're not available or I have just visited them. I want to look for more accounts, but when I do, clients don't usually respond immediately. I don't know if I'm fit for the job or not even though I have been told that it fits me well. 

I'm blogging about this, no matter how embarrassing it is because I don't know how else to let all my emotions out. During the times I have nothing to do but stare at my emails, I always imagine how different my life would be now if I had just pursued starting a business and then I realized that...

...if I'm having so much trouble saving money, dealing with clients as such, being responsible with time, then I would most likely flush my business down again. I don't want that to happen. As long as I have not learned how hard it really is in the real life, I will not take the risk of starting another business. Some people don't really understand how it is to work. I'm very close to understanding it now, seriously. I have just started not receiving allowance from my mom this month, and I'm glad I won't be in the next months. I need to work with the money I get from work for me to appreciate this challenge.

My Dearest Lord,

Please guide me along the way.

Please do not leave me all alone.

I understand that this is just a phase, but I am humbly asking for strength and grace.

Thank you for not forgetting I need You by my side.

Thank You.

Employee VS Entrepreneur

I graduated Bachelor of Science in Entrepreneurship and I left school without the intention of applying for a job. First, I didn't need to and second, I studied for four years to become an entrepreneur, not an employee. Throughout college, I learned the pros and cons of being an entrepreneur and it inspired me so much. But as we all know, starting a business is not a joke.

One of the most famous entrepreneurial stories is probably Henry Sy's way to the top. Henry Sy being one of the richest, we should always keep in mind that it is not as easy as they make it seem. The speakers I listened to whenever there are Entrep Talks in school inspired me as well. The activities such as fashion shows, entrep corners, Galleria, etc. all made me steps closer to being an entrepreneur. But there's something missing...

I am currently working for an IT Reseller company and this is way out of my league. To be honest, my first months were tragic. First, after being a bum for quite some time, I got culture-shocked with the schedule, and the loss of freedom made me lose time with Chuck and so we broke up. Second, are you kidding me? The only "techie" thing I can do is customize the html of my site. Other than that, there's Photoshop. But then again, you don't need to be techie to be able to perform that. Third, the pressure around me started to rise especially after my first evaluation. Around December last year, I actually made a pact to myself that if I don't enjoy even just a little bit, I'd resign. Then came my big boss' offer: some million peso worth quota. I was like, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It was very hard for me to even understand what my products are and then I was given an annual quota. Then it hit me. My bosses probably saw something in me that I never saw. Whatever it is, I would never know... or maybe when I reach my quota? I don't know. But that's still it. They have faith in me. 

If you're wondering why I actually rooted for a job, it's simple. I was an irresponsible spoiled brat. Yes, I finally admitted I was a brat. Not to the point that I'm a pain-in-the-ass or something. I was semi-responsible when I was in college, okay. I wouldn't have been an officer for two years, one being an HR person and one being the General Manager; and I wouldn't have received a couple of "Student of the Month" awards if I wasn't responsible in a way. Maybe the perfect term would be: "not ready for the real life". Yes, that's it. I wasn't ready.

I, along with my brother, were given the chance to start up our own business as early as 2011. It wasn't just a buy-and-sell kind of business. It was a legit one, DTI and BIR registered. It was something I thought I wanted. A photography studio. Being the spoiled kid I was, nothing happened. I had the "business" buy me a high-end camera (better than my personal Canon 40D), a Macbook Pro, a bunch of gadgets I never thought I'd have, etc. We've had a few clients, and it paid well. Guess what, where's it now? It's probably flushed down the toilet. Long story short, I needed to learn the value of money and I wouldn't learn that from asking for money from my parents to start a business. I needed to work for the money to start my business. That's what I'm doing now.

I'm finally having fun at work and although the pressure is still on, I'm really enjoying every minute of it. There are times I get so stressed that my emotions just get mixed up and people around me get affected, but I am so proud of myself for turning into the person I am now. I still impulse-buy sometimes, but I can proudly say that I've learned how to control myself. I'm looking forward to more years with this company, and soon enough, looking forward to having my own business, out of my own money.