Somewhere Between Dreams & Reality

 Being in my mid-thirties, I look at my life now and realize that the life I have now is very close to the life I had imagined when I was young. There may be some slight differences, but yeah, I'm living the life I used to dream about.

With social media being such a huge part of our lives now, I often see old classmates and acquaintances and find myself wondering: are they living the life they once imagined for themselves?

I don’t know about you, but society has definitely shaped a certain picture in my mind of what life is “supposed” to look like — finish college, get a job, get married, have kids. But did we all really dream of that same life?

Maybe some people knew from a young age that they never wanted to get married or have children. Maybe others want kids but not marriage, or marriage without kids. My brother, for example, has always known he doesn’t want children.

I know people around my age who got married and are now separated, and somehow it affects me more than it probably should. Maybe it’s the empath in me, but no one enters a marriage expecting it to end.

On the other hand, many people on my feed are still single, and maybe not all of them even have the freedom to move out of their parents’ home. Some may not be able to afford it, while others are held back by the toxic Filipino tradition of staying, even when it no longer serves them.

Sometimes I wonder if we’re truly living the lives we wanted, or simply the lives we were taught to want.

Thankfully, even though I may seem “career-less” in the eyes of others, and even though being a full-time mom challenges me mentally and physically every single day, I can honestly and sincerely say that I am happy. This is the life I once imagined for myself.

I imagined having a husband who is caring, generous, understanding, and sweet — and I have him. I imagined having children who would fight over my love and attention — and I have them. I imagined myself cooking and cleaning for my family, creating a home filled with love. And although I never imagined it would be this tiring, I really am happy.

Hey, just the fact that I married my high school crush despite the obstacles is a dream.

My life now revolves around my little family.  And while there are days when I feel lost and miss having time for myself, my love for them will always be greater. I will gladly offer my days to them — to care for them, guide them, and be present as they grow. I will enjoy every season of watching them become who they are meant to be, until the time comes when they can finally stand on their own feet.

The Same Soul, Five Years Later

 Well, hello there. Seems I'm still into blogging after all.

To be honest, I don't think I ever wanted to stop regardless of people shifting to vlogging and short-form content (TikToks, Shorts, Reels). I've always blogged for myself anyways. Maybe there was a time when I wanted this site to boom, but it wasn't much for attention, but more of awareness. Turns out I never was much of a traveller and a foodie to be able to sustain that short-lived dream. Still, I always enjoyed blogging.

There's been a very long hiatus due to a life-changing event -- becoming a mom. At 2021, I gave birth to my first daughter, and as a first time mom, it took all of me. My time, my sanity, my attention, my everything. I barely got to do things for myself; not even journal. Looking back, I'm happy there was a time in my life only devoted to being a wife and a mom. At 2023, I gave birth to my second daughter. Now an experienced mom, I'm proud I've learned a lot about managing my time juggling everything from being a wife, a mom, a homemaker, a daughter, a friend. 

A lot has happened since my last post, including moving to our own space. I've had a two-bedroom condo unit since 2013 but has only been leased out. After my last tenant who basically trashed my unit, we decided to renovate it and live in it. While it's been great living at my husband's family home, being on our own made us feel like we're really a family. Bahay bahayan but real life, ganon. I've had to step up my productivity and responsible game up by a ton, and for four years now, with ups and downs, I'm doing well.

I've also gone back to journaling since 2023, and also back to watching concerts. My parents as major proof, music has always been a huge part of my life. As a mom of two below 6, I pretty much still have a regimented lifestyle. But it's really nice to have some days off to do things I used to do pre-motherhood. It's like finding myself after losing myself because of notherhood. 

Whenever I get to write in my journal, I discover a kind of creativity in me that I never even knew existed. For the longest time, I never really saw myself as a creative person, but I think I’m slowly learning to accept that maybe, just maybe, I am. And since most of my days are spent with just me and the girls, there are moments when my need for adult conversation suddenly becomes overwhelming. When the words start piling up in my head and feel like they might burst out of me, my journal is always there—quietly waiting, ready to hold everything I need to let out.

Welcoming 2021

 If I can't say it enough, I love New Year's Eve and I love fireworks!

2020 Highlights

As the year comes to an end, I can't help but reflect on all the things that happened this year - to the whole world and to me. I learned a lot of things this year not only because of the quarantine but also because I allowed myself to know more about the people around me by being open minded and well, becoming a little more understanding.